The first time and the last time

Everything has a first time and if it's about your baby, it's always special. Like the first time you felt him against your chest. The first time you ran a finger around his ear to wake him up and so that he continue feeding, the first time his eyes met yours and he smiled innocently. The first time your baby cried in his sleep and immediately felt cozy when you held him close. The first time he managed to flip to his side, the first time he lift himself to his two little feet, the first time his looked at you and uttered "Amma". The list goes on. I have cherished all these beautiful moments myself. But lately, something struck me which gave me as much pain as it made me happy.
One day, there will also be a last time. Like the time he struggled to swim across the floor, or like how he had to be held in your arms as he slept. He has learned a lot in 10 months. He now knows to pull himself up on his two feet, he can walk on all four and go get what he wants. He know to play on his own with his toys, he knows a lot more words than "Amma" and he is still growing, learning and leaving behind a lot .
There will come a time when he will stop feeding, a day when he will just stop cuddling to me. As the days pass by and as I rejoice in every new thing he learns, that one day is only coming nearer. The day when he will no longer need my help to eat or play or sleep. That day when my son decides to be independant. That day when he finally proclaim that he has grown up. That day when he only wants me to spectate his improvements. When that day comes, I will miss a lot of things. Like holding him on my shoulders and singing a lullaby, like telling him instant stories to put a spoon or two of food into his system, like showing him around and observing his amusement. I will miss more than that. I will miss me.
Am I ready? Not yet.
Before the moment passes, let me have that one warm hug, a cute smile and most sweetest word uttered out. Let me just liedown besides you and watch as you smile in your sleep. Let me just dissolve into the innocence your pour out. Let me just cherish this moment with you. Let me hold you a little more before you are not little anymore.
Am I ready? I think I'll need a moment more.